Blah and Blah Some More

'' honey if you let me with you, i'll fix you right. so right we might as well go on together, 'cause baby i can love you better if you realize ''

the picture above, that's exactly what i want to do right now and not being stuck here in this cold room with a sore throat and blocked nose sounding like a laughing pig everytime i try to talk. i know i am probably dreaming, but at least i know i'm not the only one.

somehow my brother and i got into the conversation of me and well, my fucked up life. it was as if he sprinkled some magic powder on me, i began telling him every bits of my story. back then, my brother and i were not exactly what you called as 'close', we have always been like tom and jerry. we never got along well. but that night, for someone whose always been surrounded by wall, i didn't know how i managed to slowly tumble it down. i guess what happened was, we grow up.

he knows how insecure i can be at times and sure knows how to get a good laugh out of it. finally, after throwing fries at each other, he came up with his own quote which roughly translated as, 'alright. so here's the deal missy. you don't feel pretty about yourself.... which i have to agree hahaha, BUT that's okay! 'cause when the time comes, somebody will find you. sounds like it's unlikely to happen to you but hahaha BUT, believe me, it will happen. and when it does, don't you dare let that person go. 'cause whoever he may be, he sees you as who you are. maybe you see yourself as this lonely incompetent bitch now but to him, you will be much more than that' i swear, this never left my mind ever since. this saying accompanied me through my loneliest not to mention saddest days and never failed to cheer me up. i can't imagine how life will be like for us if the 'kit-kat' incident never happened. maybe we would still be living in the same house but we definitely wouldn't be bothered to knock on each other's door.

i don't know, i don't know why i'm posting this up. i guess my brother is right after all. months after that talk we had, after another one of my relationship failure, this boy showed up. it felt as though god wanted to convince me that there are still those who are good among the bad. i've always thought of him merely as a friend and maybe, a hopeless admirer. 'cause it honestly, never crossed my mind for us to be together. at least not until recently. but too late, karma has another way of thinking and thought 'oh, won't it be fun to teach this little ungrateful bitch a lesson?' so here i am, writing this down, with all these thoughts running, roaming around endlessly in my head. what if i said yes? what if i went out with him the first time he asked me? or the second time? i didn't know i could actually like this guy this much at first. but i know it's useless now, considering the fact that he's left my station for another train and is probably on the way to another station and be with someone new. i guess what i'm trying to say is, appreciate what you've got now 'cause you never know what you have until it's gone. no matter how hard you try to think that everything still remains the same, everything hasn't changed, hasn't fallen apart but really, who the fuck are you kidding? it fucking has. when you love someone, have enough balls to be frank about it 'cause lightning doesn't strike the same place twice and you never know, it could be your only chance to tell that person. don't be like me, don't break your neck to keep your chin up when things don't work out the way you hoped they would.

this may sound cliche but i find it funny how the things that once, i thought i couldn't imagine doing with you become the reasons why i want you now.

'' love is a puzzle and all you need is someone to just figure it out, don't look far now 'cause you know i'll always be waiting in front ''